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I INSERT LIKE TABLE OF CONTENTS HERE NO K?
News!
Everything
about Toikkanen!
Toikkanen's Diary!
Everything
about Fish!
Evertything about Sauna! (with video download of saunhu)
Movies!
Songs! HOT! Demo song available! HOT!
Shoppeh
COOL
ACTUAL DOWNLOADS!
NEWS!
Today it's like, teh 26th of October 2005 By
Biddy
So like, I started working on this page like on this date. It's fun. Because
we like to tease Toikkanen. But he's like, awesome.
Because Saunannen? Everything you see like on this
page now was made today. And I most likely wont update it again. >_>
Again on like 26 October, same year, xept by
Binky
"Artu samma jatttta fiki trampolini saunanen fucki uui"
26th of October, Binky:
Added interview, and the more dramatic movie version, later to be released in
cinemas all over Finland, of Toikkanen’s trampoline
movie.
26th of October (again lol):
Liek lol,
I added Audio file of me singing do the Toikkanen,
Check it out.
27th Of October. Binky:
THE SHOP IS OPEN, SPEND THE WHOLE FUCKING SALARY!
Added two fan remixes.
Tried to look professional.
Angsted.
28th of October. Binky:
Added “The Finnish Paradise”.
If you can’t laugh at the lyrics, do laugh at my poor attempt at sounding
like a gangsta.
Also added the Dance remix, so you can dance to me trying to sound like a phat G Thug Nigga.
Everything about Toikkanen!
INTERVIEW!!
Binky: Good morning, Toikkanen!
Toikkanen: hyvää päivää!
B: So, how are you this fine morning, Toikkanen?
T: I just was a at a sauna, so I'm all right.
B: So, how do you like this webpage?
T: TgmX90: XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
TgmX90: XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
TgmX90: XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
B: I go no k?
Why didn't I change the font colour yet?
ANYWYA
EVERYTHING ABOUT TOIKKANEN!
Now in pink!
Because Toikkanen!
oR MAYBE ANOTHER FONT COLOR WULD BE BETTER AFTER ALL! lol
caps
Anyways, who is Toikkanen?
Toikkanen is like some Finnish boy. His hobbies are
fishing, jumping on trampolines and slapping his parents and little sister
with trees. hey it's like tradition!
Who are we?
We? more like me right Binky
didn't do like anything yet. So lik I'm Biddy, and
like the other is like Binky. And we win for coming
up with this. Becayse this is the ebst site ever. And I'm like not fixing any of these
typos I'm making.
You cared didn't you?
Why do you maek site abou Toikkanen?
Because it's cold inside, we had to come
to inside. And liek were bored.
Not that we ever go outside >_>
Does Toikkanen like you
two making fun of him like this?
Do we care? jk toi luff you
how
can we like contact Toikkanen?
why would you?
then how can we contact you?
lol our aim screenanmes
on like top of teh page pls
i need
can
I ask more questions?
No.
Why
not?
cuz I said so
Why?
Cuz that's all Toikkanen does!
Why
didnt Toikkanen made this
site?
Like Finnish pride is only about like, gangbang in saunas, and jumping on
trampolines. And playing ice hockey, and sucking at it badly. Not making
sites. jesus what are you thinking
TOIKKANEN'S DIARY!
Soon we like open teh shop and you can buy
this diary too. because it's like more imporant
than the oneof tje Jewish
girl in like teh second woldwar
and stuff.
DAY 1
So like, today. I went fishing, and like, catched a
pretty big fish right?
I called it Fishannen. So like later that day, I
ate Fishannen.
Because it has a big nose. It was tasty. So liek
that same night, I went to saunannen, a club for
people who like saunas.
And we had like gangbang, and we used like trees. And hit eachother.
Afterwards I went to like you know, gym.
And jumped on the trampolinnen. It was fun. Then it
was night, and I went fishing again. And catched
like more fish.
Because 1000 lakes, right?
DAY 2
So like, hello again Diary. I'm like, back. Yesterday was great fun.
But so was today. t was great fun. we played like sauna games?
First we ran to outside and grabbed like branches and trees and flowers.
then we like ran back to inside the saunannen, and
hit eachother with it.
it was great fun! later like we went fishing naked, then when we had fish we
like put our little peninnen inside their mouth.
it was awesome! then with the fishes around our peninnen
we went jumped on trampolines naked. it was great fun!
DAY 3
Dear diary, it's like
me again, Toikkanen. Today I like went to the Saunaen, but it was closed,
because we broke it during a gangbang the night before. So I like stood there
naked thinking of like what to do,
and I like decided to go to the lake to see if i
could catch some fish,
The lake was all like frozen so I like beat a hole in it with my peninnen,
and then I tied a little string to my peninnen and
like put lowered i into the water,
and like a fish bite my peninnen, and like I ran
around, until i found a trampollinen,
and i like jumpe on it,
and then it was like cold so my mom was like "COME TO INSIDE"
and I like went inside, and put the fish on my peninnen
in a pot and cooked it,
and the ate it rigt off the penninen,
Because that's how you do real finnish barbeque.
Anyways, I'm gonna go to the Sauna again and
gangbang becauyse that's what Toikkanen
does all day.
DAY 4
Today I had
to lie in a saunanen hospital all day due to penninen pains. Like because like yesterday i used it to fish.
And like ate a fish off it too. Usually you only do one of the things, or eat
of someone else's pennins to avoid back pains.
But like, I lay in the saunanen hospital when my
friend lollikanen,
comes in and is like "arku passaja
vav likenenana jarustalla" which is finninen
for "You wanna go inside to a saunanen?"
and I was like "ARKU SAMMA
JARuSTALLAL SAUNANENE!"
which means "I ARE ALREADY TO SAUNA". So like he left. and like I
ate fish.
When this doctor comes in and puts a fish on my penninen.
And is "Fiski polpla
vonn?" which is like "Fish hurt ur enor no k?" and I was
like no.
And he like threw my out of the window, and wasl ike "U R CURD LOL COME TO INSIDE SAUNA AND WE
GANGBANG" so i did that, and it was fun.
DAY 5
Today, i went to like the lake again. it was still frozen, and
like the people were playing ice hokcey
I asked if I could join but they said no. I was pretty sad, so I like went to
trampolinnen hall.
But like I broke the trampoline. and they like threw me out. So i like went home, and went to inside. and Mom was like
"go buy fish in store!" but she didnt
give me money, she never does. Cuz she know i go to lake and get it myself.
So i like went to the lake. but it was still
frozen. and like the hockey people didn't want me to join. and then i like
broked a hole again in teh
ice. with my peninnen. And like one hockeyplayer like fell right like trough it and like
died?
I was like scary, because all the hockey players were like mad. but like they
sed they needed like new player no so I sed
can i join lol? so they
said its okay. so I like participated. it was fun. and like, well i like fell right on the same stop like
where i broke the hole right there. and broke like
nothing, because water. but i was all cold so like
ran to saunannen
and there was this old men with like trees, and they like hit me. so hard.
like, almost lost my virginity to liek ants and
flies that were still on there.
and i like went to the hospital again, and like,
lying in the bed, with fish around my peninnen,
like writing no? it's like almost midnight.
so i like write next entry tomorro
k?
DAY 6
Saturday morning, I'm like still in saunanen
hospital, and like my icehockey buddies came over
and like they brought flowers,
which they hit me with, and I appriceate when a
friend does that to you. And some of them even had grille dfish
on their peninnen for me, how sweet.
I like ate it. and they like grabbed me, and put skates on me and took me to
the lake, and we like tried to play hockey, but we had no sticks.
So we had to use our peninnen, and like I was the
goalie, so I used my balls as defence.
It hurts quite a lot, but I like that too, because the old men in the saunanen usually hits me there with trees.
And like everyone falled into the hole and died
except me so, I like went to the gym because otherwise I'd break down,
and like jumped on the broken trampolinen. And my
mom came in when i stood there jumping naked.
and was like "ARTU RIKKE
FISKI KÖÖPO!?" Which
means "Where the fuck is the fish you were supposed to buy?!"
So I like went out and caught a fish on my peninnen
and gave to my mom, and we like ate it, and my dad was like "SAUNANEN!!!!!!"
and then i went to my bed, which is made of sauna
stones, and fish.
DAY 7
So, like, finally sunday, the day I've been waiting for since last sunday.
Because every sunday is the national saunanen day, and we celebreate
by having a large Saunanen party.
We invite all of the town to the ULTRA-SAUNANEN and
have a big gangbang.
We hit each other with trees and stuff, just like on regular saunanen visits.
And one of the fat old men, Örke, hit me with a
tree on his peninnen, and I like liked it,
so he did it again, on my nose. Which is so large that half of it is outside
the saunanen.
Anyways, this made me sneeze, so like everone in
the whole saunanen was covered in snot,
and they like hit me with trees, because they like being covered in snot.
And like then we went to bath in the frozen lake, bt
everyone died due to coldness.
So now I'm like the only one still alive in Finland. Anyways, I'm gonna go peninnen fishing now.
Artu pajvannen for now!
-Toikkanen.
Everything about FISH!
except for the fact I'm
too lazy to type, so here is everything about KALAKUKKO!
Kalakukko combines two Finnish words: kala meaning fish and kukko, a
traditional Finnish pasty, comprising anything baked inside bread dough. This
just about sums up the concept, but there's more...
What is Kalakukko All About?
It's a traditional way of transporting your lunch, dinner, snack or whatever,
wherever you are going. The brilliant part is that it combines all of the
necessary ingredients in one handy package. Kalakukko
has its origins in the villages of eastern Finland. The idea for it arose
because in times past, it was usual to work so far from home that it didn't
make sense to go back for lunch.
The outside of a kalakukko resembles dark bread.
The crust is usually about 1cm thick. Beneath the crust there is a filling
made out of fish and bacon. There are many different sorts of kalakukko, which vary depending on what kind of fish is
used. The most common types are muikkukukko, made
from vendace (a small tasty relative of salmon) and
ahvenkukko made from perch. Some unenlightened
souls use potatoes, Swedish turnip, mushrooms or meat to fill their kukkos.
Where to Get Kalakukko
For the true kalakukko experience, you should visit
Kuopio, Finland. Hanna Partanen's
bakery there sells them. They're freshly baked every weeknight between 8 and
9 on Kasarminkatu 15, just 500 metres from the
marketplace.
Kalakukko can be bought easily from most towns in
east Finland. Check the market hall in whichever town you are visiting. The
further you go from Kuopio the more difficult it
becomes to find one. The west and south coasts of Finland are well known for
their poor kalakukko selection.
How to Eat Kalakukko
After finding one, place it flat side down on top of any surface stable for
cutting. Then simply slice it like cake, but be careful since the crust can
be surprisingly hard. After that, it's up to you. You can use a plate, fork
and knife or eat it with your hands. Kalakukko can
be eaten cold or hot.
If You Can't Find One, Make One
If you can't find kalakukko you can make it
yourself:
Ingredients
Crust
500ml water
1/2 tablespoon salt
100g butter
900g rye flour
300g wheat flour
Filling
1kg of fish, such as vendace or perch, or any other
fish
150 - 250g bacon
2-3 teaspoons salt
Method
For the crust, knead the ingredients together into a tight and tough dough.
Make an ovoid disc that is about 1cm thick in the middle and thinner at the
edges. Scatter rye flour in the middle of the disc. Pile cleaned fish and
bacon in layers in the middle of the disc and add some salt now and then. Use
the sides of the disc to cover the filling. Use water and flour to smooth the
surface. Bake in an oven (200-225°C) until the kalakukko
gets some colour. Remove it, and wrap it inside aluminum
foil. Put it back into an oven for 4-6 hours (100-150°C). After taking the kalakukko out of the oven, cover it well so that crust
doesn't get too hard.
Other Things Concerning Kalakukko
One of the most important aspects of the kalakukko
experience is arguing with your friends or neighbours about them. The
argument should concern things such as which fish makes the best filling, the
best way to eat them, serving temperature and so on. You must form strong
opinions about kalakukko and tell them to the
world. It really doesn't matter if someone wants to hear them or not.
The European Union has added kalakukko to the
Protected Designation of Origin list. Only true kalakukko
are made in Finland, in the same way that, officially, Parma ham can only be
made in Parma and Champagne can only be made in Champagne.
Toikkanen and his Mommonnen.
SAUNAS!
After you ate like Kalakukko,
you go to teh sauna. you also go to the sauna after
showering, before showering, after breakfast, before going to school or work,
after school and work. after having played, after sex, before sex, after
being to the toilet.
So basically a Finn going to the sauna is like a Mussie performing wudhu.
How to perform saunhu:
The art of saunhu
is a very sacred art, an can not be decribed with
words. Instead we had a talk with professor Jokki Lattinen, who showed the art of Saunhu
on Toikkanen’s very father.
Download the video :
HERE!
MOVIES!
Both movies are rated like 12+ because Toikkanen, and because they’re like the same movie. The
movies were recorded by toikkanen himself. And
later edited by a Finnish Movie company, known as “Fish Penninen
Pictures”, and has according to finnish newspaper Fiskinyhetieri been leaked by release group called DaRkZ, Enjoy!
Download Trampolinnen!
Download Trampolinnen
[DVD rip 2005]!
Songs!
Disable the embed if you havent already
All these songs were written by Biddy. He's like winner. however, Binky is like a bigger winner, because he actually sang
two of them.
The Toikkanen Dance
One step left, one step right.
In the saunannen play with fish.
Nose don't fit.
Stepping out. On the trampolinnen.
Jump 3 times.
Catch a fish.
Everyone do the Toikkanen dance!
Do the Toikkanen!
Do the Toikkanen!
Swing the fish from side to side.
Come on, it's time to fish.
Do the Toikkanen!
Jump one time, and then again.
Let's jump on trampolinnen, all together now!
You got it! It's the trampolinnen!
Do the Toikkanen!
Swing the fish from side to side.
Come on, it's time to go.
To the saunnanen!
Take one step, and turn around.
Let's do the Toikkanen, all together now!
Gang bang now. Fish like that!
The Finnish Paradise!
Written by Binky
As I walk through the Sauna of the shadow of fish
I take a look at my fish and realize there's nothing left.
Cause I've been eating and chewin' so long
that
Even my mama sees that my peninnen is gone.
But I aint never ate a fish that didnt deserve it.
Me being treated like a Dane, you know thats
unheard of.
You better watch how you're Fishing and where youre
saunaing
Or you and your homies might be hit with
branches
I really like to jump on my trampoline
As they fall I see myself in the sauna smoke Fool!
Im the kinda Finn that little lapsi wanna be like,
On my knees in the sauna
Throwing löyl on kiuas
( chorus )
Been spending most of our lives living in the finnish
paradise
(x2)
Keep spending most of our lives living in the finnish
paradise
(x2)
Look at the situation they got me facing:
I cant live a normal life, I was raised by the sauna,
So I gotta be down with the sauna team.
Too much television fishing got me chasing fish.
Im a educated fool
with saunas on my mind
Got my saunavihta in my hand and a branch in
my eye
I'm a heated out finnish sauna sitter
And my kiuas is there so don't arouse it's
anger! Swede!
Death aint nothing but a heartbeat away
I'm living life do or die, what can I say?
Its 100 degress now, but will I live to see 104?
The way things are going I don't know.
Tell me why are we so blind to see
That the ones in the sauna are you and me
( chorus )
Fishes in the saunas, saunas in the fishes
degree after degree, celsius after celsius
Everybody is fishing but half of them dont
know
Whats going on in
the sauna but I dont know whats
löylying.
They say I gotta sauna but nobodys here to heat me
If they cant löyly it, how can they heat me?
I guess they can't, I guess they won't, I guess they fish
Thats why I know my
life is outta luck, fool!
(chorus )
Tell me why are we so blind to see
That the ones in the sauna are you and me ( x2 )
And now for the moment we have all waited for so long...
DOWNLOAD THE SONGS HERE!
Binky - The Toikkanen Dance
Binky - Do The Toikkanen
Binky – The Finnish
Paradise
Binky – The Finnish Paradise (Dance Mix)
FAN REMIXES!
Binky - Do The Toikkanen (In The Sky Mix)
Binky - The Toikkanen Dance (DanceMix)
Lyrics:
ARE WE READY???
THREE
TWO
ONE
FOR GROKE'S JUSTICE!
EVERYONE ONE STEP LEFT EVERYONE ONE STEP RIGHT
EVERYONE ONE STEP IN THE SAUNANNEN
JUMP ON THE TRAMPOLINNEN
CUZ THAT'S ALL TOIKKANEN
DOES
EVERYONE ONE STEP LEFT EVERYONE ONE STEP RIGHT
EVERYONE ONE STEP IN FISHING SHOES
TAKE YER RODS OUT
CUZ THAT'S ALL TOIKKANEN
DOES
EVERY DAY TOIKKANEN GOES FISHING
IN ONE OF THE THOUSAND LAKES
HE CATCHES GOOD LOOKING FISHES
CUZ THAT'S ALL TOIKKANEN
DOES
EVERY DAY TOIKKANEN GOES TO SAUNA
THEY CALL IT SAUNANNEN THERE
HE SPANKS HIS DAD WITH BRANCHES
CUZ THATS ALL TOIKKANEN DOES
EVERY DAY TOIKKANEN GOES JUMPING
ON HIS TRAMPOLINNEN
HE DANCES AND FALLS AND JUMPS
CUZ THAT'S ALL TOIKKANEN
DOES
EVERYONE JOIN WITH TOIKKANEN!
ONE STEP LEFT, ONE STEP RIGHT
STEP INSIDE THE SAUNANNEN
AND DO THE TOIKKANEN DANCE
FIND A TREE AND SLAP YOUR PARTNER
TURN AROUND WITH LAUGHTER
PLAY WITH FISH AND WATER
AND DO THE TOIKKANEN DANCE
TIME TO END THIS SONG NO K?
STEP OUT THE SAUNANNEN, ON TOP OF THE TRAMPOLINNEN
JUMP 3 TIMES TURN AROUND AND CATCH A FISH
AND DO THE TOIKKANEN DANCE!
DOWNLOAD THIS SONG NOW, SUNG BY THE ONE AND ONLY BINKY.
OR download the Karaoke link... which is basically the embed playing. OLOL EMBED SUCK I NOT PLAYING, play it then, bastard. AND SING WITH BINKY!
ONLINE SHOP!
THE SHOP IS OPEN!
CHECK IT OUT AT
http://www.cafepress.com/toikkanen
Buy shirts, underwear, CDs and much more, and soon to come to our
shop:
WOODEN BUCKETS TO KEEP YOUR ASS CLEAN! FIRST 5 SALES GET INCLUDING CHILD FOR
FREE!
BUY BEST QUALITY TREES TO HIT YOUR PARTNER WITH.
TRAMPOLINEN
TRAINING VIDEOS BY TOIKKANEN AND HIS RELATIVES!
TICKETS
TO THIS AWESOME SAUNA. GET ENTRY FOR FREE AND ENJOY TEH
MOMENT OF YOUR LIFE
SOON MORE
TO COME
awesome
downloads:
asshole,
you are supposed to find links to these while reading the fncking
page. now go back up! >:(
Binky - The Toikkanen
Dance
The Toikkanen
Dance Karaoke MIDI
Toikkanen - Failing at Trampolinnen
MOVIE
This page
was not ment to be offending Toikkanen.
Thank you
for your visit.
-Biddy and
Binky
Shoutouts
to: Toikkanen himself, because he is Toikkanen. Finland’s president, because he rules, finland, that is. Darkz, for
the DVD rip and the two first remixes.
And Westwood, because it can only be generals that made us this mad.
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